Friday, July 3, 2015

My Mother My Angel

This year has been incredibly hard. In a little over 2 months I have had to say goodbye to not one of my parents but both my dad and mom. On April 16th my dad died in his sleep. He suffered from COPD and was unhealthy. I was not super close with my dad and have had some tough times with him in the past. BUT he was still my dad and I will never forget the good memories we made. Most of them were when I was little about Chloe's age when he would take us down to the river. RIP dad.
My mom became my angel on June 27th. I am completely heartbroken. My mom was my EVERYTHING! My mom, best friend, #1 supporter, the girls grandma, and Clay's mom too. We already miss her to the core. She was at our house every night for dinner so we feel lost without her. Right now we are still in a whirlwind of emotions with family coming and going and I know it hasn't even fully set in. It happened all so quickly...
We feel like she was holding out and hanging on for Relay for Life and when that was over she was just tired. It had been 3 years since she was diagnosed with brain cancer. On Friday June 19th we made an incredibly hard decision to move her up to Lincoln Hospital. There was an opening in the swing bed side of the hospital and at home she was no longer safe. We couldn't get caregivers to cover 24 hour shifts and I was filled with worry at all times when I wasn't with her. On Saturday her best friend Diane came to be with her and support me. She is a true blessing. Mom deteriorated very quickly after that and we could tell she didn't have long. Diane and I stayed with her all week while many visitors came and went. Some days she would sleep most of the day only waking to say hi and give hugs but on Friday June 26th she was awake most of the day. She even requested a cheeseburger without onions. It was wonderful seeing her like that and even though she really couldn't eat just the thought of her wanting that was so awesome. The girls climbed in bed with her that day and made her crafts. When we arrived on Saturday June 27th she was no longer responding. Still breathing but not responsive to our hugs and tears. That day was the day. There were 10 of us with her that day. We talked to her, sang to her, prayed over her and cried lots and lots of tears. When Clay came in the afternoon we thought that was her final goodbye as she stop breathing but then all of the sudden she started again. At 8:30pm the nurse came in and said "Lindsey I think you should hold your mom now." I had been pretty much all day but at the moment she came in I was standing at the foot of her bed. The nurse just felt like she needed to come at that moment which was incredible. I went to mom and as I held her she passed. I will never forget that moment. I know she is still with us and will always be forever in our hearts. RIP mom.

This poem was recited at her Celebration of Life.
My Mother My Angel.
Once upon a time an angel held my hand,
She wiped away my tears and helped me understand.
Our time on earth is brief, there's lessons to be learned,
Each precious day God gives us another page is turned.
Every chapter full of memories, times of joy and tears,
Triumphs and defeats, through every passing year.
She loved us unconditionally, always by our side,
When no one else would listen, in her we could confide.
With gentle words of wisdom she led us on our way,
Down the paths of righteousness if every we did stray.
She saw the light in everyone and gave with no regrets,
Always from her heart let's not forget.
Angels come in many forms, for me it is my mother,
With love I cannot say in words there'll never be another.
Every day I turn the page in my heart will ever remain,
Everything she taught me as I stroll down memory lane.
Thank you God for giving me the most priceless of all treasures,
Help me Lord to keep alive her memory here forever.
I pray that I can some day be everything she hoped I would,
That's she smiling down from heaven knowing she did good.
As we gather here today there's no ending to her story,
Another chapter has begun full of grace and glory.
God's called her to his heavenly home, part of his great plan,
Although it may be hard, we all must understand.
Faith is what is hoped for, things we cannot see,
Heaven is promised to all of us if only we believe.


These pictures were taken right before Mother's Day this year and I will cherish them always.